So I finally found this book I"ve been meaning to read ever since it became an "Oprah must" years ago......."Yesterday I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant.
I came across it by accident at a thrift store, while looking through the clearance bins of random treasures................for 80cents I'll buy it!!
I have to say it's the best buck I've spent in quite some time.
I'm cynical on a good day so I had my reservations... the book has been sitting on my night stand for a month now, and 3 nights ago I opened it, and could not put it down.
The lost soul in this woman struck a cord with me and I cried. How cliche, I know, but it's true.
I am raising boys, whom I pray grow into loving, caring, moral MEN. Why do I not expect that for myself?
I do not know this woman, I do not know what has been written in this book is true or false. All I know is that the words I read touched a part of me that I had not found the strength to acknowledge, let alone heal.
I am thankful for that small moment of truth, and thankful for the courage to embrace the message and find the strength within me to seek the answers.
26.8.10
Impaction Extraction
Wednesday morning we checked into surgery at 7am....they wanted us there early so they could weigh Cole and make sure he was in good health before administering the medication. Learned my MiniMan weighs 37lbs!!! WOW.....
Cole and Mommy hung out in the tv room....there was Thomas the Train/construction videos, so Cole was thrilled.....the dr came in at 8am to give Cole his sedative...that was incredibly hard for me. The medicine took affect and right before it did, Cole looked at me and whispered "Hold me Mama".
My bright eyed baby boy transformed into a hallucinating incoherent little person right before my eyes. It was all I could do not to bawl. For 20 minutes I cradled my son and kissed his forehead. The dr came to take him into surgery and I kissed him one last time. As the door closed behind them I completely lost it. I am such a blubber baby when it comes to my kids...thankfully the nurses are awesome and they let me have my Mommy moment and compose myself again, before going over the x-rays, and other medical mumbo jumbo.
Cole came through the surgery absolutely fine. I was waiting for him our little tv/recovery room and he was quite annoyed that half his face was "Gone" (frozen). He kept trying to say "hold me again Mama" and the dr couldn't quite make it out, which upset him. "Ho megin Mam". Pretty close, for half-face-frozen . I picked him up and cradled him, he fell asleep instantly.
Cole and I sat like that in recover for 3 hours. The nurses periodically came in to check on him, and brought me water....I felt guilty even drinking that, since Cole hadn't had anything to eat or drink for the past 24 hours!
We left for home around noon....the medication takes up to 24 hrs to wear completely off, so I was instructed to carry him everywhere and hover. HAHA if they only knew how much I hover normally *giggle*.
So staying up all night the night before surgery paid off. I was in the kitchen making puree vegetable and fruit smoothies, and mashing yams and potatoes. Just like the baby food days! haha.....
We got home and Cole ate some yogurt. He was very frustrated over the freezing and not being able to do everything himself but that was a great sign he was getting back to himself so his scowly faces made me smile !
I know this was minor, and raising boys I'll probably see my fair share of hospitals and other stressful situations....but having to sit and wait for my baby boy, by myself with no one to comfort me, that was hard.
My brave little boy, sometimes I wonder if he's an old spirit.
The dr asked that I sign a release saying I would not film or take photos of Cole's procedure...Um what!?!? I'm sorry, but what parent wants to look back and see their 3yr old stoned out of their minds, then bawling because they're in pain?!?! As hard as that hallucination trip was, I am thankful because Cole remembers absolutely NOTHING.....that's the way I'd like to keep it.
Cole and Mommy hung out in the tv room....there was Thomas the Train/construction videos, so Cole was thrilled.....the dr came in at 8am to give Cole his sedative...that was incredibly hard for me. The medicine took affect and right before it did, Cole looked at me and whispered "Hold me Mama".
My bright eyed baby boy transformed into a hallucinating incoherent little person right before my eyes. It was all I could do not to bawl. For 20 minutes I cradled my son and kissed his forehead. The dr came to take him into surgery and I kissed him one last time. As the door closed behind them I completely lost it. I am such a blubber baby when it comes to my kids...thankfully the nurses are awesome and they let me have my Mommy moment and compose myself again, before going over the x-rays, and other medical mumbo jumbo.
Cole came through the surgery absolutely fine. I was waiting for him our little tv/recovery room and he was quite annoyed that half his face was "Gone" (frozen). He kept trying to say "hold me again Mama" and the dr couldn't quite make it out, which upset him. "Ho megin Mam". Pretty close, for half-face-frozen . I picked him up and cradled him, he fell asleep instantly.
Cole and I sat like that in recover for 3 hours. The nurses periodically came in to check on him, and brought me water....I felt guilty even drinking that, since Cole hadn't had anything to eat or drink for the past 24 hours!
We left for home around noon....the medication takes up to 24 hrs to wear completely off, so I was instructed to carry him everywhere and hover. HAHA if they only knew how much I hover normally *giggle*.
So staying up all night the night before surgery paid off. I was in the kitchen making puree vegetable and fruit smoothies, and mashing yams and potatoes. Just like the baby food days! haha.....
We got home and Cole ate some yogurt. He was very frustrated over the freezing and not being able to do everything himself but that was a great sign he was getting back to himself so his scowly faces made me smile !
I know this was minor, and raising boys I'll probably see my fair share of hospitals and other stressful situations....but having to sit and wait for my baby boy, by myself with no one to comfort me, that was hard.
My brave little boy, sometimes I wonder if he's an old spirit.
The dr asked that I sign a release saying I would not film or take photos of Cole's procedure...Um what!?!? I'm sorry, but what parent wants to look back and see their 3yr old stoned out of their minds, then bawling because they're in pain?!?! As hard as that hallucination trip was, I am thankful because Cole remembers absolutely NOTHING.....that's the way I'd like to keep it.
24.8.10
Tomorrow morning we will be in surgery and Cole, you will be having that yucky rotten tooth taken out.
Mommy just wants you to know that I am so very proud of you. You amaze me every day and I sometimes just stop and look at you, completely fascinated that God chose me to be your Mommy.
I promise to hold your hand, no matter how hard you squeeze it, and to be the first smiling face you see when you recover.
Your giggles, your tears. Your frowns, your smiles. Your dancing, your skipping and running. From your cute little "toe toes" to your wonderful red hair.....you are the piece of my heart that was missing, and is now in place.
Cole Robert, MiniMan, "Chubba Wubba", "BooBoo"....Mommy loves you.
19.8.10
1095 days.....
August 20, 2007 You came into this world and made our little unique family whole.
Happy 3rd Birthday Cole Robert , you light up my life. You'll never know how much we prayed for a miracle, and God gave us you.
You are a special little boy and I look forward to countless more years ahead with you.
I love you, my little Miracle MiniMan, miles and miles forever XOXOX
18.8.10
Impact
My MiniMan, my Miracle Baby......Cole has an impacted tooth and has to have it removed...we had our consultation appointment today at the pediatric specialist, and I braced myself for that news. Cole was such a brave boy - he didn't complain once, even when squeezing my hand as hard as he could.
We spent half the day at the office, going over the options, and a full exam/x-rays. Cole did better than Mommy!!
After an in-depth discussion with the wonderful dr. I decided the best long-term solution for Cole would be to remove the tooth and eliminate the possibility of the infection spreading.
After an in-depth discussion with the wonderful dr. I decided the best long-term solution for Cole would be to remove the tooth and eliminate the possibility of the infection spreading.
As a working single mother, the guilt and "What ifs" dialogue played in my head all day and I broke down tonight after tucking my gifts in.... Poor Cole, all doped up on Tylenol and antibiotics, with half a chipmunkcheek face, smiled sleepily up at me and said "great Us Day Mama....dr will take the yucky pain away soon."....
I know once the tooth is pulled and he makes it through next week's surgery, things will be better and he'll back to his normal free-willed, goofy self. I just feel so rotten for Cole to go through this and me not be able to magically fix it.
15.8.10
In Construction.........
The boys have been helping me turn the other bedroom into their toy/play room...we got some neato stickers and have been busy decorating and making it full of fun. As Chace has been saying, "this room is so happy looking!!". Mission accomplished haha! Here are a few pics of our work in progress......
13.8.10
Hunkering down in the Bunks....
Sooo last week I took it upon myself to assemble the boys' bunkbed set. All by myself (save for the extremely helpful assistant in overalls who kept asking what every other part was as he handed them to me). What an ordeal that was! Who knew you had to put together the top bunk FIRST?!?! certainly not me.
Assembling the 2 beds was a piece of cake. Problem -solving the dilemma of how to lift the fully assembled top bed onto the bottom? Now that took some innovation. And a lot of sweat and tears.
The end result sooo worth it, seeing my boys' faces light up as we wandered through WalMart, picking out brand new sheets.... each boy overwhelmed with the choice fully being their own.
That night as I tucked my little men in, Chace thanked me for working so hard when I never have to, just to make him and his brother smile. My eyes welled up. "You're very welcome my son, anytime."
As I walked out of their room, I heard a whispered voice say, "God, I love this new bed, sleeping up here makes me closer to you, and I can help you babysit Mommy's baby."
Silent tears fell as I went about my nightly "Mommy chores".
BEing a Mother ROCKS.
8.8.10
Chace the Photographer
So I went to download pics on the computer and realized there were a number of pictures that I didn't take. Chace informed me he took pictures when I was in the shower, so that I could see what he liked to look at. haha....too cute
5.8.10
4.8.10
2.8.10
Quotes
"Mommy, you're hilarious. you make me laugh. that's awesome!" ~ Chace, 4yrs old.
"Mama, I love you. Now will you make me a sandwich?" ~ Cole, 35months.
"Mama, I'm a shark, you're the guppy and I feel like sushi!" ~ Cole, 35 months
"Mommy, God told me last night that your heart will be ok cause you have us and we're handsome." ~ Chace, 4yrs old.
"Mooooommmm!! Cole made me annoyed and I'm in timeout. Leave me alone for 4 minutes!" ~ Chace 4yrs old.
"Mommy, please snuggle me. You're the best at making me feel cuddled and little" ~ Cole, 35 months.
"Mommy I'm a big boy now so can you let me have ice cream for breakfast? Plllleeeeease!!?" ~Cole, 35months.
"Mommy stay still. I"m pretending to be a spider so you'll scream and then Cole will save you. He told me he's superman today." ~Chace, 4yrs old.
"Mommy.....I'll never forget you. I love you more than my monster trucks." ~Cole 35months.
"Mommy we're a team. That means its us 3 forever. Pinky Swear??" ~Chace 4yrs old.
"Mama, I love you. Now will you make me a sandwich?" ~ Cole, 35months.
"Mama, I'm a shark, you're the guppy and I feel like sushi!" ~ Cole, 35 months
"Mommy, God told me last night that your heart will be ok cause you have us and we're handsome." ~ Chace, 4yrs old.
"Mooooommmm!! Cole made me annoyed and I'm in timeout. Leave me alone for 4 minutes!" ~ Chace 4yrs old.
"Mommy, please snuggle me. You're the best at making me feel cuddled and little" ~ Cole, 35 months.
"Mommy I'm a big boy now so can you let me have ice cream for breakfast? Plllleeeeease!!?" ~Cole, 35months.
"Mommy stay still. I"m pretending to be a spider so you'll scream and then Cole will save you. He told me he's superman today." ~Chace, 4yrs old.
"Mommy.....I'll never forget you. I love you more than my monster trucks." ~Cole 35months.
"Mommy we're a team. That means its us 3 forever. Pinky Swear??" ~Chace 4yrs old.
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